It's Just the Beginning

 Some people believe that revenge is the best medicine. Some people believe in letting karma work its magic while we sit in the background waiting for it to strike. Some people believe in both, and these types of people are the ones to be cautious about. They strike when your back is turned, they hope for you to fall, they turn their nose up at you when you do fall, and they make you beg for their forgiveness for whatever you did wrong. Normally these types of personalities can be noticed quickly, but others paint an innocent picture for the world to see. You'll never see their dark side until you do something wrong in their eyes. Nothing you do can be good enough for them; the standards are set too incredibly high that you feel you'll never reach the potential they set for you. 

It's just the beginning, though. They begin to chip away at whatever remaining confidence you have left - after your mistake. They set boundaries for others in your circle. They roll their eyes when someone in their circle speaks highly of you. You are the topic of discussion over dinner. You are the topic of this week's phone call with others. You are the black sheep of the family - her family. 

I've often told myself to just ask, "What do you want from me", but I know once I ask her this question, whatever spews out of her mouth will be so bluntly ignorant. 

    "I want you to act like you care about this family", "I want you to show us how sorry you are", or even "At this rate, I don't want anything from you anymore" is exactly what I imagine she would say. She's just protecting herself from getting hurt by me - but why does it come as a surprise that I do the same to her?

A little kindness is never really little. A little grace never killed anyone. All the times I was hurt, offended, or stepped over, I bit my tongue and waited to cry until I was alone. I still showed grace "because she was family", and accepted her for her faults. Why can't the same be extended over me? Why am I not good enough for sympathy? 

Hypocrites. We're all hypocrites.